I do this to myself.

People are always going to let you down, even the ones you trust the most. Life is fucked up as are people, and when it comes down to it we all end up alone.

i feel so gross mitch kept dumping beer all over me. yuck. i got burnt by the fire. last night was hella fun. oh and mikey gave me a fat lip with jake s’s flash light!

I have this theory about the phrase rest in peace. Remind me to write about it

I adore the word, environment.

So lately I have been getting my life into order, and following a lot of paths I’ve once wished to go down and frankly it feels wonderful. I’m pursuing art and dance. I’ve become more committed to getting to where ever it is I feel I need to be. I am able to actually ask for things from my parents, no one really knows or will be able to understand this, but I have always been afraid to talk to my parents. In a lot of ways, about my life, about the things I wish for, or even just to ask to buy something. I haven’t cured my strange phobia but I’m on the verge of a subtle breakthrough and it is nice to have. I’ve noticed that when you bring your family into your dreams and plans you are much more likely to achieve those things. Now, to the real reason I’m writing. As a sixteen year old I want a lot of things, to move out, to dance, to go travel, blah blah blah. I’m not much of a day dreamer anymore but I have finally discovered something that would make me the happiest person ever. If I had my own studio. One big room in which I can do whatever I wish. Paint all over the walls, dance around the room, do art, read a book, stare out the window. Anything. I realized that a studio is probably the best gift a person could EVER give me. Now I know there is no way any one could ever do so, but thinking about it just makes me happy so maybe I’ll go think about it a little more :)

this is bad ass. my brother hooked up a cordless mouse to my computer so he can play diablo better and i just realized the benefits of it. i can kick back in my hair and just rub the mouse on my sweatshirt to blog hahaha ohh the life of the lazy :)

my hair has been really shitty these past few days which sucks cause im trying to let it heal a little bit so it will grow and the fact that it looks bad isnt a good movtivater. :PPP

So today I’ve really been thinking about what I want to do with my life and where I see myself in the future and frankly I have no fucking clue. I don’t know WHAT I want to do, I just want it to make me happy. I know of things I like and I know of things I need but to mesh them is the hard part. I love to dance and decided I’m going to start working a lot harder to be fit and I am going to get that fucking invert down if it kills me! I’m going to audition for bad kids next year, I think I could make it but you never know… I plan on taking a class a pac west this summer to get me ready for it. Also, I’ve been thinking about job options. Frankly I don’t want to work at a food place. It just would suck. You’re greasy and gross all day and it does not help you accept for job experience so I was thinking of stuff that would benefit me in more ways than just job experience and i came up with a few things. I could work at a clothing store; I would get discounts, learn how to use a cash-register, and get experience. I could apply at a gym or yoga place; that way I could get workout benefits, at a yoga place I could just be relaxed all day doing yoga, and get in shape. These are just a few ideas but they sound nice. I figured that without references or job experience though it’s all a shot in the dark so I decided I’m going to start volunteering. I want to volunteer at the food bank, I really could use the hours anyway. But I would also gain references and meet nice people :) I dont know this is all just stuff ive been thinking about :)

the life of an average teen…

All day i had felt like there was something i needed to do and i JUST NOW remembered what it was. I was going to go get charcoal so i could do more drawings urgshsdgoihdsg;lzdgjs;l damn